just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
