I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
