im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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