I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
