this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
