accomplished twins. life is a go
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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