i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
