I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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