Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
