She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I intend to get homeless drunk
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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