White coat. Heels.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
