the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
