If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm sobbing to NWA
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
