omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
