I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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