Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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