He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
