Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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