Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
