Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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