He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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