I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
