And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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