In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
