$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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