pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
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