and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
