I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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