I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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