Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
