honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
