Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
