i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
