He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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