you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
