I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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