Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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