Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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