There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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