is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
