I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
