i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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