Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
