guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
