i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
