At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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