I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We need to get me chipped asap
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
