we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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