Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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