i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
