I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
