told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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