so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
