when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
