there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I need a beard to bite.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
