ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
