i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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