I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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