Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
