You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
