Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
